


this december.

by foliageashes



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Boys In Love, Christmas, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Christmas Tree, Cute Okumura Eiji, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft Ash Lynx, Soft Okumura Eiji, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28308996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foliageashes/pseuds/foliageashes
Summary: Ash and Eiji's life throughout December leading up to Christmas.Ash hasn't celebrated Christmas in a long time, but with the help of Eiji, he learns just how sweet and lovely it is.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 8
Kudos: 71





	1. 12.3

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you like this !! i took me a month to write and i ended up pushing myself at the very last minute to get it out on christmas day. happy holidays!

“And. . . there.”

“Terrible spot,” Eiji pointed out, watching Ash hang the golden bulb ornament on the tree.

Ash pouted and looked over at him. “How come? You told me to put one on!” He huffed.

“It’s too close to mine.” Eiji took the ornament and studied the green needles of the tree. He decided on a new home for the ornament, which was far to the left and near the bottom of the tree. “It needs to be _spaced out_ , Ash. This is why I never let you decorate.”

“My sense of decor is great, thank you very much,” the blond remarked. “Besides, this is a _Christmas_ tree, and _Christmas_ is a time for _couples_ to get sappy and do things together, so a _Christmas_ tree is a _couple’s_ thing, not a _one person puts something on and the other moves it_ thing!” 

“But that takes two people to do it, so it _is_ a couple thing,” Eiji deflected with a teasing grin. He picked up another ornament from the box where they all rested, turning it in his hand to get a good view of it. “This one will look good near the top, don’t you think?”

Ash crossed his arms, peevish. “Oh, sure, Eiji. You’re the decorating master, not me.”

Eiji hummed. “Finally, you agree.” He went up on his tip-toes and reached for the top, but to no avail, he couldn’t reach the spot he was hoping for. “Agh. . .! So close, too.”

“Here,” Ash said, and held his hand out to Eiji.

Eiji placed the ornament in his hand. “Good thing I have you.”

“Yes, I’m so glad I’m your personal ladder. It seems as if you don’t bully me when you so desperately need my help.” Ash reached up and hung the ornament on the spot Eiji was reaching for. 

“I’m only being smart,” Eiji told him. “If you need help, you don't be mean to people. You ask if you need it. It saves lives, you know. Common sense!” 

Ash stared at him with emerald eyes full of sudden remorse. He turned his head away, letting his dulled eyes drop to the floor. “Right.”

It’s been two years since Ash was stabbed at the New York Public Library. Two years since death almost dragged him away from the world he was finally able to some-what live peacefully in. 

It took Eiji a year and a half to get a hold of Ash, after Ash had completely shut him out after the stabbing. Eiji had returned to his world, and Ash’s was going to come to an end. There was no reason to meet Eiji again, Ash thought. 

Even though he survived the stabbing, he never expected himself to be in Japan, even though he wanted to go those couple of years ago. He thought it was just another unrealistic dream that he would chase out of false hope. 

Yet, here he was. In Japan. With Eiji. Now living with him in an apartment in Tokyo. But he swore he felt like this once before, once in his lifetime.

“Ash?” Eiji’s soft tone of worry snapped Ash out of his storm of grasping thoughts.

Stiffening, the green-eyed boy met those doe-eyes he’s come to love. “Ah, sorry,” he muttered, giving him a slight smile of reassurance. “I’m fine. Just kinda. . . zoned out.” 

“. . .Are you sure? You seem—”

“I’m fine, I promise,” Ash repeated, his smile now wider. “Come on, this tree won’t decorate itself!” He grabbed an ornament from the box. This one was red with sparkles. 

Eiji watched Ash scan over the tree to search for a spot with his brown eyes full of uncertainty. A part of him wishes Ash wouldn’t be scared to open up and talk to him whenever something was wrong, but he knew not to push it, for Ash never liked to do that with anyone to begin with. 

He then gasped, snapping out of his worrisome thoughts, when he saw Ash reaching to put his ornament next to the one Eiji had made him place before. “No!” He rushed to Ash and tried to grab the ornament out of his hand. “Do not!”

Ash held it up, smirking. “Take it from me, then.” 

Eiji pouted and jumped up, but Ash only held it higher. “Ash!”

The blond snickered. “You look like a rabbit, hopping like that.”

“And you’re a mean cat!” Eiji’s nose scrunched up as he gave one last hop. Miraculously, he managed to grab Ash’s wrist, but he wrecked right into him.

The two toppled to the floor, both squawking in surprise and letting out an _oof!_ The ornament rolled out of Ash’s grip, stopping against the couch. 

Ash sucked in a sharp breath, wincing. “I think my ribs just broke.”

“Oh, shut up!” Eiji yapped, getting off from on top of him. “You are so overdramatic.”

“And you are so rude,” Ash grumbled, sitting up. “You crush me and don’t even say sorry.”

“Cry about it,” Eiji challenged, walking over to the stray ornament Ash once held. “Watch and learn, cat.” He strided over to the tree and placed the ornament _far_ from the spot Ash attempted. “See, that wasn’t so hard.” He looked back at his boyfriend, who was still sitting on the floor. “Think you can do it?”

Ash pouted, his green eyes now having a sparkle to them. “I haven’t placed a single bulb on the tree without it getting moved right after. I’m starting to think you don’t like me.” 

Eiji frowned, huffing. “Don’t give me those puppy eyes!” He crossed his arms, but was convinced. He sighed and gave him a smile. “Alright, fine, you big baby. You can place _one_ in whatever spot you want to. Just one.”

Ash smiled in return, rising to his feet. “Yay, Eiji loves me.”

“Oh, shush,” the older boy said. 

The blond stared into the box of ornaments for a few seconds, thinking. He picked up an emerald green one, blinking. “Look.” He turned to Eiji, holding the ornament up next to his face. “It matches my eyes, don’t you think?”

Eiji gaped, his brown eyes wide. They suddenly shined from a new thought dropping into his head. "Stay there,” he demanded and scrambled towards the bedroom.

Ash watched him with a quirked brow, perplexed. “Eiji?” After a few seconds of silence, he heard items being thrown and clashing with the floor from the bedroom, obviously displaying that Eiji was digging through _everything_ like a dog to find whatever he was searching for. There was a gasp of victory, and Eiji charged out of the bedroom, holding his camera with a face of bliss.

“Okay,” the raven-haired boy said, positioning himself in front of Ash. He held up his camera to eye level. “Smile!”

Ash blinked before closing his eyes and giving him a wide smile, his head tilted a bit. 

_Click!_

Eiji pulled the camera away from eye level and looked at the taken photo, his smile growing. “You’re so cute.”

Ash groaned, now embarrassed. “ _Stooop_.”

“But look!” Eiji held out the camera to him. “You have to agree, you look adorable.”

Ash squinted at the photo. “Who’s that?”

Eiji pouted, taking the camera back. “You act like a toddler. You can’t appreciate real beauty and grace when you see it. Luckily, I can.” He set the camera down gently. 

“Then put on your glasses, because your eyes are deceiving you,” Ash shot back. “Okay, back to what I was doing.” He approached the tree and gazed around for a spot. He once again settled for the spot next to Eiji’s ornament near the top. He smirked to himself, feeling victorious that Eiji didn’t protest this time.

The blond took a couple steps back to see the tree from farther back. He put his hand to his chin and nodded, as if he just solved world hunger. “Yeah. See, that looks perfect.” He looked at Eiji hopefully.

Eiji smiled, accepting defeat. “Fine, you’re right. I guess you win.”

Ash’s emerald eyes reverted back to the tree, suddenly lost and empty. His smirk slowly disappeared. Hands dropping to his sides, his body felt heavy, as if a thousand anvils towered on his shoulders. This all felt so. . . familiar, but the feeling of nostalgia contradicted his mind full of joy and Eiji, leaving a sense of uncomfort throughout his body. 

At first, he scolded himself in his thoughts. He couldn’t be feeling like this _again_ , not when all Eiji wanted was to have a fun day to decorate the Christmas tree. The older boy already worried about him earlier. He was beginning to feel like a burden. Kaput.

His pale hand traveled over to his stomach, his fingers barely touching the fabric of his shirt. The place where his stab wound lay seemed to tweak. It only seemed to hurt when the rest of himself was hurting as well. It stupefied him. 

He watched a totally oblivious and excited Eiji place more ornaments on the tree. He didn’t know how long he was staring for, or if Eiji said anything to him at all. He felt so tiny, so vacant. Where has he experienced this scenario before? When was the last time he was with someone he _loved_? 

The cold from the winter outside didn’t help either. Despite his sweater on, that Eiji begged him to wear, _“You can’t keep walking around shirtless! You’ll freeze to death!”_ But maybe it wasn’t the cold, and just his skin crawling and crawling and crawling—

“Ash.”

—God, he couldn’t place his finger on it. What was this feeling? What _was_ it? The stress began to build up and shake his heart, making it race. He had a full body shudder when a familiar scent prickled at his nose dangerously. _The chill winds of Cape Cod were carrying the scent of the salty ocean across the plains of grass._

“Ash? Hey, you zoned out again,” Eiji said, voice laced with soft concern and a hand placed on the zoned out boy’s shoulder. “You alright?”

Ash blinked back to reality, taking a stiff breath in. “Eiji. My bad, I don’t know why I keep doing that.” He chuckled humorlessly and bitterly. “I guess it’s just a happy overload, you know? My brain is shutting down. Steamin’ up, yeah?”

Eiji frowned slightly. “Why are you asking me that like you aren’t sure yourself? Seriously, Ash, are you not feeling well?”

“No, no, I’m just fine,” he reassured. Just then, tears sprung to his eyes. Oh, _now_ they come. “Huh. That’s weird,” he said, wiping at his eyes when the tears began to spill over. He laughed at himself and turned his head away, still wiping at his eyes that didn’t seem to stop pouring. At a lame attempt to hide face, he brought his arms up.

“Ash. . .” Eiji reached for Ash’s arms. He wanted to pull them down, but Ash pulled away from his reach before he could get a grip. 

“Sorry, birdie,” Ash said breathlessly and forlornly. “I—I’m not sure why I’m. . .” He shrunk to his knees, the anvils finally pushing him down, a painful sob escaping his trembling lips. 

Eiji gasped and went to his knees as well. His heart ached at the sad sounds coming out of the blond. “Ash,” he whispered softly. Hugging him close, he could feel Ash shake in his hold. “Ash, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

Ash dug his head into his chest in an attempt to silence his crestfallen sobs. “I don’t know. This just all reminds me of something,” he began, his voice broken. “Like I’ve been here before. I can’t explain it. . . No, nevermind,” he disdained, “it’s nothing.”

Eiji rubbed his back soothingly. “It’s not nothing, Ash. Just try to explain. You’ll find the right words eventually, I promise you. I’m here to listen, you know that, right?” he soothed. 

“. . .Yeah,” he murmured. Blowing out a breath, he prepared his next words mentally, while trying to remember what’s been pondering on his mind for the past minutes. “. . .I think. . . This whole thing—I’ve done it before, it feels like. I never really celebrated Christmas, you know. Most holidays for that matter, so I don’t know why this is happening. Well, now that I think about it. . . I did back in Cape Cod, when Griff was still around. Back then, I did.”

Eiji’s eyes softened. He began to move his fingers through Ash’s hair in an attempt to add extra comfort, knowing where the conversation was going. It was rare for Ash to talk about his life back in Cape Cod, rightfully so. Upon Eiji’s first arrival there, Ash’s father, Jim, told him all about what happened to Ash when he was just seven, and how he killed a man when eight. He couldn’t even imagine the pain and discomfort associated with that place that Ash must feel. It made him want to hold and protect him even more.

Ash stayed silent for a moment, still recollecting the memories slowly crawling back in. They were hard to remember when his head felt so stuffed and heavy. “I. . . We would always decorate the Christmas tree together. I remember how he used to lift me up so I could reach. It was fun, those times. . . I’m starting to remember, now.” It was a little harder to speak now that he was. It felt like he was there, in Cape Cod, himself. He could practically see the interior of his home and Griffin’s smiling face. The smiling face he lost years ago. 

“Ash. . .” Eiji said dulcetly, half for comfort and half to remind Ash he was still there, listening to every word he had to say. 

Clinging tighter onto Eiji to keep himself together, his lips trembled for a good solid two seconds before he had the strength to speak again. “Then he left, and I—I was so lonely, Eiji. I missed him so much. I can’t remember celebrating Christmas after he left. I probably never did. It just became another day for me. It didn’t matter anymore.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, the burning in his eyes from his tears becoming persistent. “Then—Then he came back, and I was with him again. . . But he wasn’t _there_ . He didn’t even recognize me, Eiji,” he said desperately. “I wanted him to recognize me again. I missed my brother. He. . . I didn’t even know what to _do_. I was so astray.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Ash,” Eiji whispered, pressing a soft kiss into his blond locks. “He and you didn’t deserve such pain.”

“Him the most,” Ash added on. His voice tightened with remorse as he said, “He died, after all.” A hard lump formed in his throat.

Eiji tightened his hug for a moment, giving Ash a reassuring squeeze. “I wish he lived,” he said. “I wish he lived, so you could have a brother again.”

“It’s. . . okay,” Ash settled on, his voice raw from crying. He heaved a sigh and sniffled. “Even if he were to come back, he would’ve only suffered more. That’s the fate you’re dragged into when you're messed up from a drug and have an on the run brother.” He raised his head slightly to rest it on Eiji’s shoulder, instead of his chest as he was originally doing. It was too wet there anyway from his tears. “But I’m here with you, now, doing the impossible, basically. It’s like a dream come true.” He bit his lip down to hold back a growing sob. “It feels like I don’t deserve this.”

“Of course you deserve it,” Eiji told him. “You deserve everything good in the world, and I want to give that to you. Everyone deserves to live a happy life, Ash. Especially you, after being through so much.”

“Still.”

“Oh, Ash,” Eiji whispered, his voice as gentle as if he were speaking to a frightened animal. He pulled away from the hug and pressed his forehead against Ash’s, cupping his cheeks. He wiped the hot, wet tears from his cheeks with his thumbs, a smile lifting up Eiji’s lips as he did so. “Let me tell you something.”

Ash’s eyes full of uncertainty met Eiji’s warm ones. The emerald coloring of his eyes seemed darker and hollow, both from the tears and feelings digging through his mind. The raven-haired boy has never seen such sad eyes before, and his heart panged. He wishes he could take away all of Ash’s hurt instantly, and relieve the poor boy from the torment of his past. He knows it’ll never be that easy, but he doesn’t mind. Just being here for Ash, holding him and whispering sweet nothings to him, made him happy. It helped, too. 

He had told Ash once, “ _Progress takes time. Don’t push yourself. You’ll only get better, I promise_ .” Ash had a hard time grasping onto that. The blond felt as if he _needed_ to get better as soon as possible, so Eiji would finally have to stop worrying about him every morning and night. He felt as if he was dragging Eiji down, and always felt guilty.

“You do deserve it, trust me,” Eiji began, his voice tranquil and steady. “It’s hard to forget your past, especially when it hasn’t been kind to you. But that doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person, who only deserves the worse. To me, you're the best person ever. I don’t see you as someone who should only endure pain and suffering.”

Ash sniffled once again before opening his mouth to speak, ready to protest.

“ _What I do_ see you as,” Eiji continued, knowing Ash’s thoughts and intentions were, “is a soft, lovable, and dauntless person. You’re warm overall, too. I know the real you, Ash, and that’s what you are. You may think you hold me back, but that’s not the case at all. If anything, you’ve helped me, just as much as I helped you. Maybe even more.”

Ash’s desperate hands gripped tightly onto Eiji’s shirt. He was having a hard time registering the words Eiji spoke, and badly wanted to protest. He knew he had to sit quiet and listen, though. Eiji always won, most of the time, anyway. 

“Before I met you, I wasn’t at the best part of my life. My father was in the hospital, I’d gotten my injury from pole vaulting, and I was depressed. I didn’t have much left. I was lost. But then, Ibe-san had taken me to America, where I met you. That was the best thing to ever happen to me,” Eiji told him. His voice was nothing but sincere. “I was happy again, thanks to you. I felt more _alive_. You are the light and love of my life, Ash. You’ll see, as time goes on, what a good person you are. You’ll wake up in the morning, smile, and be proud of who you are.” He paused to nuzzle his nose against Ash’s as a gesture of reassurance. “Because you are not only flaws, but strengths, and the strengths outpower the flaws by many.”

“. . .Eiji. . .” Ash breathed, processing the weighted words. It was a lot to take in, and he felt tears threaten to spill out of his eyes again.

“Let me give you what you deserve. You are worth it,” Eiji said, voice gentle yet unfaltering. “You are worth everything, _Aslan_.”

Ash gasped at that, a glint of light twirling in his eyes. His breath shook as the threatening tears finally carried out their plan, and spilled out of his eyes. He choked on a sob and dropped his head into the spot between Eiji’s shoulder and neck. He cried, _hard_.

Eiji smiled and ran his fingers through his hair, tilting his head to rest it on Ash’s. “It’s okay. Let it out. Let it all out.”

Ash doesn’t know how long he sat there, crying into Eiji’s shoulder. Maybe a few minutes, an hour, or beyond that. It didn’t matter. No matter how long he cried, Eiji would stay. Eiji always stayed. 

After the heaviness in his head was too much to bear, Ash’s crying resorted to sniffles. He sucked in a breath and coughed, his chest burning. Despite his sobs calming, he couldn’t seem to breathe right.

“Ash,” Eiji said. “You have to breathe. Please, Ash.” He rubbed his back supportively. “Sit up for me?”

Ash whined, feeling tired and heavy, but sat up, his blond locks hanging over his eyes. 

Eiji reached for his hand slowly, giving Ash ample time to pull away if he wanted to. When he did, Eiji took and raised it, pressing a soft kiss onto it. “Okay, breathe in, slowly.”

Ash closed his eyes and slowly inhaled. At first, his chest tightened painfully, but he kept composure.

“And out.”

Ash blew out, a wave of relief flowing over him. 

For about five minutes, the two sat there on the floor, Eiji instructing Ash to breathe and Ash doing so. When Ash’s breathing returned to normal, Eiji squeezed his hand. “Do you need anything, Ash? Water?”

“Eiji. . .” Ash whispered, raising his lowered head ever so slightly. “I—Um.” He rubbed his nape, a shy gesture. “I’m not really good with words, but. . .” A small smile appeared on his somber face. “Thank you. I mean it. A lot. I really do.” He huffed a laugh. “What the hell would I do without you?” He finally raised his head enough to meet Eiji’s eyes. His green eyes were bright and full of hope. “You’ve given me so much. And what you said earlier, it applies to me, too. I’m happy again, thanks to you.” If he hadn’t cried so much to the point where no more tears were left in his body, he would be crying right now. “I can’t thank you enough.”

Eiji smiled. “You don’t have to thank me. Just you being here with me is enough.” He tucked a blond lock behind his ear. “Do you want to finish decorating the tree, or take a break? It’s your choice.” He cupped Ash’s cheek.

Ash leaned into his touch, much like a kitten. “Let’s finish. If anything, I’m more motivated than I was before.”

Eiji laughed. “You were motivated _before_? All you did was sit on the floor and pout, you big baby.”

“Hey, at least I had the decency to stay awake during that. I could’ve just fallen asleep on the floor, if I wanted to,” Ash said with a grin, “and made you do all the work.”

Eiji huffed, crossing his arms. “I _did_ do all the work!”

“Sure,” Ash responded, getting to his feet. He lended a hand to Eiji. “Now you’re the one on the floor and pouting. The pot calling the kettle black.”

Eiji rolled his eyes playfully and took his hand, getting pulled up to his feet. “You’re twenty, but still act like a child. What am I gonna do with you?” He gave a defeated sigh as he made his way back to the box of ornaments. 

“ _Ehhh_ , you still love me,” Ash remarked.

“Hmph, you’re right.”


	2. 12.15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash wants to surprise Eiji, and what's a better way than making cookies?

Ash had a mission.

He had the whole house to himself for the day. Eiji was off doing something for his work, photography. He wasn’t supposed to come back until six, and it was currently twelve, which gave him plenty of time to surprise him with something  _ The Lazy and Childish Ash  _ could  _ never  _ do.

Make Christmas cookies.

He pulled out his phone and scanned the web like a madman. He needed the  _ perfect  _ recipe. He couldn’t just wing it. Last time he attempted to make something on his own, he made the smoke detector blare, and a frantic Eiji had to open every window in the apartment. 

Putting on his glasses, he began to read the ingredients he had to scavenge after he landed on a website. “Okay,” he said to himself, setting the phone on the counter. He clapped his hands together to lock himself in. “This should be easy enough.”

Flour baking powder, salt, margarine, sugar, vanilla extract, done. Eggs—Where were the eggs? Ash felt panic shoot through him. He  _ knew  _ he had all the ingredients. He went through every inch and corner of practically every grocery store in Tokyo,  _ just  _ to be sure. He couldn’t count how many times he opened the pantry and all the cabinets to search for the stray eggs. The  _ thud  _ that each cabinet made when closed played a rhythm in his head. 

Where the  _ hell  _ were the  _ eggs _ ?

Ash then froze, realization striking him like a hammer. He sighed and heaved himself over to the fridge. Of course the eggs wouldn’t be in one of the cabinets or the pantry. Man, if Eiji were here, he would never let him live this down. He took out the eggs from the fridge and put them down next to the other ingredients he gathered. 

Now he had to properly measure the ingredients. He didn’t even need measuring tools. His 200 IQ brain could probably scale it accurately. But he didn’t  _ dare _ . This was Eiji he was making cookies for, and Eiji is perfect, so  _ he  _ had to be perfect.

He took out the sifter, a few bowls, and measuring cups. It was time to  _ do this _ . The first few steps were easy enough. Measure out the ingredients, then sift the flour, baking powder, and salt together. Cream together the sugar and margarine. Beat the eggs then add vanilla. Add the ingredients and nix. 

“Hey, this is pretty easy,” Ash said, a smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t wait for Eiji to come home and see what he'd done. He knew Eiji has always been a sucker for sweets. As he blended the ingredients, he reminisced on the moment Eiji practically dragged Ash around the streets of New York, hungry for ramen and ice cream.

_ Ash frowned, staring at his order of Shoyu ramen. He had gotten rice and a salad as well, but something about the ramen rubbed him the wrong way. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Hey, onii-chan. There’s some kind of brown gum in mine.” He nudged it a little across the table. “You eat it.” _

_ Eiji immediately huffed, offended. “Gum. . .? That’s menma!” He gave him an optimistic smile. “Try it. It’s good.” _

_ Ash kept up his picky act. “It’d be like eating gum. I don’t want it.” He pointed his chopsticks at him. “Unlike you sketchy Japanese, I, for one, am delicate.” He lowered his chopsticks and picked up the gyoza Eiji had given him before, despite saying no. He raised it to this mouth to take a bite. _

_ Eiji suddenly grinned, picking up the menma from Ash’s dish with his chopsticks. “An opening!” He forced it into Ash’s mouth. _

_ Ash froze up with wide eyes, letting out a squawk of shock. _

_ Eiji’s grin grew. “Is it yummy?" _

_ Ash put the back of his mouth over his mouth, his face of ‘I’m about to throw up’ speaking volumes. “You. . .!” He quickly grabbed his nearby napkin and spit out the menma into it, trying not to gag. _

_ Eiji laughed, amused. “It’s not good to not like something without trying it!” _

_ After the two finished eating and left the restaurant, Eiji was already bouncing on his feet, eager. “Let’s get ice cream on the way home!” he said, a wide smile on his face. _

_ Astonished, Ash looked at him with wide eyes. “You can still eat?” _

_ Eiji giggled, nudging his arm with his elbow. “After something salty, you want something sweet. So, Boss! I’m counting on you to take me to a good shop!” He got behind him and pressed his two hands on his back, pushing. “Hurry, hurry!” _

_ Ash’s pace turned brisk as he felt the force on his back. “I heard you, don’t push me! _

_ Eiji laughed, joining his side again. He was enjoying this immensely, and Ash couldn't help but sigh and smile. _

_ “Jeez. . .” the blonde breathed. “Well, what flavor do you want?” _

_ “Chocolate!” Eiji announced. _

_ Ash huffed a laugh. “Then I know just the place. Ready to go?” _

_ “Onward!” _

Ash covered the dough and placed it into the fridge. Now he had to wait two hours. What could he do for two hours? He supposed he could read, but his heart was too full and distracted by Eiji to even think about staring at a book for so long. Warm from the memories, he set the two hour timer and made his way to the couch, plopping down on it. 

The smile he had wouldn’t go away. Whenever he thought about Eiji, even if it was a slim slither of a thought, his heart exploded. He loved the boy to death. What more could he say? Well, now that he thinks about it, he could spend decades talking about how much he loved Eiji, and not even be halfway done. 

He could already imagine Eiji’s reaction when he returned home. He would go, “ _ Ash, you made these yourself? They’re delicious! _ ” Then they would snuggle up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, and binge Christmas movies while eating the cookies. 

Ash let out a content sigh, pleased with himself. He never felt this happy before. So carefree. He never thought he would be experiencing this kind of warmth and love, not after everything. He reached up and grabbed the blanket from on top of the couch. He snuggled up with it, closing his eyes. Maybe if he took a nap to pass the time, he could dream about Eiji. 

  
  


_ Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! _

Ash grumbled, shutting his eyes tight and rolling onto his back. He reached around for his phone, first only feeling air before he reached down to the coffee table. He turned off the alarm and sat up. 

“Shit. . .” he whispered, rubbing his heavy eyes. It took him a moment to remember why he set the alarm in the first place. He got up to his feet and went to the fridge, taking out the chilled dough. 

Setting the bowl aside, he preheated the oven to 400 degrees fahrenheit. “Okey dokey. . .” he said as reached down to a lower cabinet. He took out a cookie sheet and placed it down on the counter. He hummed a tune as he greased the cookie sheet and sprinkled generous amounts of flour onto a smooth, clean surface. 

Now for the fun part. Roll the dough and cut it out into shapes. 

He already had a plan of what he was going to go for. He was going to cut most of the cookies into the shape of Nori-Nori, the bird Ash had learned Eiji is obsessed with. The other shapes would be basic Christmas ones, like a Christmas tree or a gingerbread man, just to keep it festive. 

At first, cutting the shapes of Nori-Nori was a  _ pain.  _ Sure, Ash had good hand coordination and accuracy, but not for  _ this _ . He was a gang leader back then, not an arts and crafts expert. As he kept going, he got better and better, but not  _ perfect _ . 

He wanted to be perfect for Eiji, but he knew the older boy wouldn’t care. He was a, “ _ It’s the thought that counts! _ ” kind of guy, and Ash loved that about him. Once he finished cutting out the shapes—the festive ones were easier, he actually had cookie cutters for those—he put the sheet into the oven. He dusted his hands off, proud.

It was nearing half past two, and Ash wondered how he spent the rest of the time until six. That’s all he thought about, when Eiji got home and what he would do to pass time. To him, Eiji returning home was like God sending an angel from above. Well, Eiji  _ is  _ an angel.

After eight minutes passed, the cookies were ready to be taken out. He carefully did so, and placed them on a wire rack. His stomach grumbled at the smell. “I should’ve become a baker instead of a gang leader,” he said with a huff of laughter. “Make the men and ladies  _ swoon _ with my baking skills.” He opened the fridge again and took out containers of icing. Grey, black, white, red, green, blue and brown. 

He decided to ice the Nori-Nori cookies first. As expected, his first one was messy and all over the place. He had no clue what he was doing. He shrugged to himself. It’s the attempt that matters. After twenty minutes of carefully applying the icing, he was finished. Eight Nori-Nori cookies, three Christmas trees, and five gingerbread men. 

He grabbed a tin cookie box to his left. It was blue with a golden ribbon design on it. It was from the last batch of cookies they ate from the grocery store, and Ash had to convince Eiji to not throw it out.

_ “Why do we need it?”  _ Eiji had asked during that moment.  _ “Now that I think about it, you’ve been very secretive this past week. Is something up?” _

_ “I’ve just been thinking we have to be resourceful, y’know?”  _ Ash had said.  _ “It could come in handy one day. _ ”

Ash finished placing the cookies in carefully, after the icing hardened, making sure the Nori-Nori ones sat on top. He closed the lid and let out a victorious sigh. He put his hands on his hips and admired the box of cookies.  _ Perfect _ . Eiji would be so happy.

He checked the time with his phone. 3:00. He groaned, throwing his head back. Three hours to go until his precious Eiji came home. What else could he do? Not for himself, but for Eiji. His gaze drifted over to the Christmas tree. It was complete now, glowing brightly and beautifully. It made his heart flutter. That day was important, when they decorated it. He would hold it in his heart forever. 

Lost in his thoughts, he almost missed the door unlocking and opening. He turned quickly, startled.

“ _ Tadaima _ ,” came Eiji’s soft voice as he closed the door behind him. “I was able to go home early.”

“ _ Okaeri, _ ” Ash greeted, a wide smile instantly appearing on his face. “You’re home early. I thought you said six.” He tried to keep his obviously excited voice from being obvious, but he failed. He could never hide his emotions when around Eiji, negative or positive.

“Ah, I got to go home early. I tried to call you, but you didn’t pick up,” Eiji said lightheartedly. “Something smells good. Is that why? Is a chef hard at work?” 

“Hmm. . .  _ Maaaybe _ ,” Ash sang. “Why don’t you go sit down? I’ll bring it to you.”

Eiji gave him a playful but suspicious glare. “You’re scaring me. Knowing you, it could be anything. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you so. . . bubbly.”

“Is that so bad?” Ash teased. “ _ Come on _ , go sit  _ down _ !” He took it upon himself to gently push Eiji towards the couch with two hands pressed against his back. “Don’t worry, you’ll love it—at least I hope so. It took every muscle in my body to make, you know.”

“Okay, okay, you pushy cat,” Eiji laughed. He sat himself down on the couch, pulling the blanket over him. “Want me to close my eyes?”

“Yep!” Ash called from the kitchen. He’d darted to it after making Eiji sit down. After a moment, he asked, “Are they closed?”

“Yes, Ash,” Eiji answered. “I won’t peek.”

Ash picked up the tin of cookies. He was glad Eiji didn’t see it when he walked in, he probably thought it was just empty. They’ve had it laying around for a few weeks now, anyway. He set it back down and opened it, just to make sure everything was perfect. After adjusting one Nori-Nori cookie a centimetre to the left, it was perfect. He put the lid back on and began to take it over to Eiji. 

“Okay,” he said once he stood in front of him. “Open.”

Eiji lowered his hands, his brown orbs landing on Ash’s face before dropping to the tin. He blinked. “Oh, that tin thing from awhile ago? I guess it is pretty nice.”

Ash felt his heat blast up to his face. “ _ Eiji _ !” He stomped his foot, like a kid throwing a tantrum. “It’s  _ inside _ .”

“Oh?” That sparked Eiji’s interest. He took the tin box from his hands and placed it in his lap. He took the lid off and his eyes immediately widened and sparkled. All the stars in the galaxy pranced in his dark eyes. He gasped. “ _ Ash _ ! Oh my—How  _ precious _ .” His voice was laced with wonder and softness as he took in the sight of the cookies.

Ash couldn’t help but smile. The cookies weren’t  _ that  _ amazing, despite how much he hyped it up. It was just a little thing he did to make Eiji happy. Eiji was a big softie, though. Anything Ash did would’ve made him happy, and it was the same the other way around. 

Eiji, still full of pure joy, picked up one of the Nori-Nori cookies and showed it to him, his mouth hanging open. “Ash,  _ look _ .”

Ash laughed. “I know. I made them.” He sat next to him on the couch, and Eiji’s warmth doubled in him, now that he was closer. “Try it. Tell me if it tastes good.”

“I don’t want to eat it. It’s too cute,” Eiji deflected, staring at the cookie in his palm. “It would be too cruel.”

“Here.” Ash took the cookie from his palm and turned to face him. He held the cookie up, his green eyes warm. “Open up.”

Eiji’s lips graced into a smile and he huffed a laugh. “Jeez.” He opened his mouth.

Ash plopped the cookie in and lowered his hand.

Eiji closed his mouth and began to chew, putting a finger to his chin as he did. “Mmm. . . Mmm!” He swallowed the cookie and smiled wide. “It’s good! You made this? I’m impressed!”

Ash frowned slightly. “Is it that hard to believe?” he murmured. 

“You probably put the burnt ones on the bottom,” Eiji remarked. “But that’s okay.” He hugged the blond’s arm and rested his head on his shoulder. He snuggled into it, closing his eyes from content. “My love. My one and only.”

Ash felt the heat rush throughout his body, and his face flushed red. “You—Don’t insult my baking skills then call me cute names! You are  _ unbelievable _ .” He rolled his eyes. “Besides,  _ none  _ of them are burnt. They’re perfectly fine, thank you.”

Eiji peeped up at him and raised his brows, giving him a smirk. “Okay, I believe you.” 

Ash met his eyes. His body suddenly ached for Eiji. He wanted to snuggle up next to him and give him endless kisses, showering him in his love. Eiji was just so  _ perfect _ , and cute, and warm, and everything good in the world. He leaned down and kissed his forehead softly. “I love you.”

Eiji laughed gently, his warm aura blooming into Ash’s heart. “I love you, too, Ash. Thank you for the cookies.”


	3. 12.20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash is sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just a short kinda sweet chapter before the next one, which is emotional and longer!

“Ah. . .ah. . . _ choo _ !” Ash shuddered and sniffled, rubbing his finger under his nose. “Ugh, shit.”

It was early in the morning, December 20th. The waking sun shone through the many clouds in the sky, leaving a bright ray stretching across Ash’s face from the slightly parted blinds. It wasn’t from the sun that he was awake, though. If anything, he felt like shit. His head was heavy, and his nose was stuffy as hell. 

Yesterday, he and Eiji went out for basic needs, food and appliances. It was  _ freezing _ that day, though. Eiji had many layers on, and was pleading with Ash to put on more layers as well. Ash ended up bringing a coat, but  _ accidentally  _ left it in the car. 

He knows you can’t get sick from the cold, but viruses are more present. Great, just his luck. Now here he was, feeling awful.

Ash grumbled and forced his eyes shut, turning onto his side. He wrapped an around Eiji, who slept peacefully next to him. He can forget about all his symptoms if he’s here, curled up next to his other. He felt a smile tug at his lips. Eiji was always warm. 

It was hard to breathe through his nose at this angle. He sniffled and stirred, trying to find a comfortable position. God, his head was killing him. 

“Ash?” came Eiji’s soft and tiny murmur. 

Ash hummed in return.

Eiji’s hand reached over to feel Ash’s hair. The blond smiled from his touch. “Can’t sleep? You’re moving a lot.”

“Mmm. . .You’re cozy,” Ash whispered. He took in a deep breath, but his chest innately tightened and his sore throat itched. He pulled his arm away from over Eiji and put his hand over his mouth. He let out a few rugged coughs. He heaved himself up into a sitting position and let out a few more, his eyes watering up. 

Eiji sat up as well, his brows furrowed with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Dust,” Ash answered quickly, lowering his hand from his mouth. “It’s dusty in here.” He didn’t want to ruin Eiji’s day because he was sick. Christmas was coming up, anyway. The week was going smoothly, and he wanted to spend time with Eiji, celebrating and having a good time. Luckily for him, he was good at lying, unlike Eiji. 

“I dusted yesterday,” Eiji reminded him. “You helped me.”

Ash clicked his tongue, annoyed with himself.  _ Good job, Ash,  _ he scolded himself mentally.  _ How could you fuck that up?  _ He sighed and plopped his head back down on the pillow, ignoring the spinning in his head and the pang of his headache. “Something in my throat, then.” 

Eiji stared at his face for a moment. He raised his hand from the mattress and brushed Ash’s bangs back, pressing his hand against his forehead. “Ash, you’re burning up. You must be sick.”

Ash frowned at that. “I’m not  _ sick _ , I just  _ feel  _ sick.”

“That’s sick, nonetheless.” Eiji shifted to the edge of the bed and got onto his feet. “Stay here. I’ll get things for you.”

The blond sat back up at that. He glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand before speaking. “Eiji, it’s 7:23 in the morning. Just go back to sleep. I’m fine.”

Eiji halted at the door and looked back at him, concern still written all throughout his face. “Not when you’re coughing up a storm. It’ll only get worse if you bask in it. Besides, if I catch it, what would we both do?”

Ash opened his mouth to protest, but shut it when nothing close to a valid argument entered his mind. He mentally beat himself up. He didn’t want Eiji to get sick, but just a few minutes ago, he was all snuggled up next to him. “I guess,” he murmured. “Fine.”

“Thank you. Now lay down, and wait for me to come back,” Eiji said, more of a demand than a suggestion.

Ash did as he was told. He brought the sheets back over him and turned to lay on his side. The bed seemed too empty and numbingly cold now that Eiji was up. He wishes Eiji was able to stay in bed forever, and they could just cuddle. He doesn’t need medication or rest to cure his stupid cold. He just needs Eiji. 

Eiji could make him feel better instantly. Ash has never found that in a person before. What would he do without him? At that thought, he shoved his face into his pillow. How could he be asking that when  _ he  _ was the one who avoided him in the first place? The time spent while Ash was in New York and Eiji was alone in Izumo was heart-wrenching. He couldn’t even imagine how lonely and depressed Eiji must’ve been.

He hated this. His mind was nothing but negative thoughts and aching memories when he was sick. It’s like every ounce of positivity was sucked dry by the cold’s disruptive presence. He was missing Eiji already. How long has it been since he left to get things for Ash? A minute? An hour? Maybe a week.

“Ash, are you alright?” Eiji was back.

Ash felt his heart jump. He gave a nod muffled by the pillow.

“Sit up,” Eiji said as he made his way to Ash’s side of the bed. “I got medicine you have to take.” He set down a glass of water on the nightstand, which made a soft  _ thud _ . 

Ash didn’t get up from his position. If he did, even if it was just by one inch, his headache would claw at his head mercilessly. 

“Ash, you have to take it,” Eiji said. “I promise you won’t have to get up again if you do.”

Ash let out a low groan before carefully repositioning himself to a sitting position. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment. God, his head. He doesn’t even remember what his head feels like  _ without  _ a headache. 

Eiji sat on the bed with him and held out two small pills in his palm. “They’re the swallow kind, so don’t chew them.”

“I know,” he grumbled, tired. He took them and plopped them into his mouth. He took the water when Eiji handed it to him and drank it down. He immediately began to cough, his chest burning. “Fuck.”

Eiji patted his back supportively. “It’s okay. Get some rest now. I’ll make you something good to eat.” He gave Ash a gentle smile before rising to his feet.

Ash grabbed his arm pathetically, his eyes flashing with desperation. “Stay.”

Eiji looked back at him, blinking his wide eyes. He sighed, but his smile remained. “Okay, Ash. I will.” He crawled into bed next to him. “Is this okay?”

Ash immediately wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, snuggling into him like a cat. 

Eiji laughed before kissing Ash’s hair. “Get good rest, Ash.”


	4. 12.25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas day.

The cold and bitter air of December 25th cloaked the apartment complex, leaving the inside chilly. But this single apartment in Tokyo was the warmest of them all, from the love of two boys. 

On this cold morning, Ash was still curled up in bed, a cocoon of blankets around him. His mop of blond hair was messy and splayed. If you couldn’t see his hair, you’d mistake him for just blankets. He was asleep peacefully. Luckily, nightmares didn’t plague his mind. The fact that Christmas was today didn’t hit his mind, either. It’s been years since he celebrated, so it still felt like another day.

“ _Aaash!_ ” came Eiji’s singing from outside the bedroom. 

Ash felt a part of him wake up, but he still kept his heavy eyes shut. He was cozy, and didn’t want to get up. He just wanted to _sleep_. He was a difficult person to wake up, everyone knew that, so he usually got his beauty sleep when he wanted it. 

Suddenly a heavy weight landed on him, jolting him awake. “Eh. . .?” He raised his head to look at what was on him. Did Eiji throw a pillow at him?

Instead of a pillow, Eiji was stretched out on him, smiling brightly. “Good morning, sleepyhead!” He was beaming, a giant ray of sunshine. “Merry Christmas, sweetie!”

Ash blinked, his mind cloggy from sleep. “Uh. . . Oh, Merry Christmas.” He sat himself up, letting Eiji stay splayed out across his lap. He studied the older boy. Eiji was wearing a Christmas sweater, green and red, and he smelled of cinnamon and vanilla. His deep and dark eyes were holding galaxies, and Ash found himself getting lost in them.

Eiji emitted a warm, gentle, blossoming laugh. “Did you forget?”

“I guess it slipped my mind,” Ash admitted, scratching his head. 

Eiji got off him and hopped out of bed. “Well, it’s time to get up!” He gave him a bright smile. “Those presents won’t open themselves!”

Ash yawned and sighed heavily after. “You’re too energetic for so early in the morning,” he twined. 

“Early in the morning?” Eiji echoed, digging through the bedroom closet. “It’s eleven!” He took out a christmas sweater, the blue and one one Ash owned. He showed it to his other. “Wanna wear this?”

“Sure, _mom_ ,” Ash grunted, getting out of bed. “You know, you crush me a lot.”

Eiji grinned. “Oh, does that hurt your delicate body?”

“It does,” the blond murmured. He took the sweater from Eiji’s hand and slipped it on. Still tired but loving, he wrapped his arms around Eiji from behind and snugged his head into the spot where his neck and shoulder met. Eiji was always warm. 

The raven-haired boy huffed a laugh. “Jeez, you’re so cuddly. Come on, put on your pants! I’m surprised you aren’t bounding about like the kid you are.”

“I am a grown man,” Ash told him, “who celebrates Christmas like a grown man.”

“Hmm, you sure don’t act like it,” Eiji challenged. 

Ash unwrapped his arm from around Eiji and made his way over to the drawer. “Well, you don’t either. Now shoo, I gotta get changed.”

“You got it,” Eiji responded, winking at him. Honestly, such a child. When he reached the door, he looked back at Ash to say one more thing. “This better not be a trick so you can fall back asleep again.”

Ash frowned, immediately offended. “Why the hell would I do that? I am not a kid!”

Eiji smirked, amused. _Honestly, such a child_ , he thought. “Okay, then.” He walked out and shut the door.

Ash huffed, aggressively putting on a new pair of boxers and pants. “That Eiji. . . I am _twenty_!”

Once he finished changing, he exited the bedroom, and now the scent of freshly made food was more apparent. He eyeballed the kitchen. There were stacks of food on the counters, all things Eiji prepared. How did that guy make all this in such a short time? Did he raise the sun to wake up first?

“Wow, I can hear your stomach growling from over here,” Eiji teased from the Christmas tree. “Is that drool I see?”

Ash blinked and left his lip, just in case there was actually drool. He pouted at Eiji when there wasn’t. “You are so mean. Where’s the sweet and loving Eiji I know?”

“He’s right here, and is waiting for you to get over here!” Eiji held up a present. “You’re opening yours first.”

Ash joined him and sat on the floor. “I don’t think so. Elders goes first.”

“And you called me the mean one,” Eiji retorted. “You said it yourself, this is your first Christmas in a while, so please, go first.” His tone turned soft, trying to convince Ash.

But Ash simply shook his head. “If this is all about me, then I make the choice, and I say you go first. I’m an emotional bastard anyways. I’ll probably cry. Like I always do.” His voice was small at that last sentence. He met it to come out in a teasing fashion, but his facade always drops around Eiji. He can’t help it. One look at the Japanese and anyone could open up.

Concern mellowed in Eiji’s deep eyes. “It’s not wrong to have emotions,” he told him. “Don’t be ashamed of it.”

Ash sighed. “I know.” Annoyed with himself, he reached for a present. “Whatever, we don’t need sad shit right now. Here, open this one first.” He handed it to Eiji. 

Eiji took it into his hands, smiling. It was fairly big, quite heavy, too, but not too heavy. He set it on the floor and began to unwrap it. He was practically ripping off the wrapping paper like a hungry coyote, eager to see what was inside. Once he saw the printed image on the box, he gasped. “Ash!” Now he _really_ tore off the wrapping paper to expose the box completely. It was a new camera bag.

Ash smiled slightly. “You’ve had the other one for a while now, so I thought you would like a new one.”

“I love it,” Eiji said. “You’re right, my other one is getting old, now. This one is much bigger, anyway. How much did it cost you? It looks high quality.”

“Around 200,” Ash answered. “Not that bad, considering what it is. At least, I think so. I don’t know shit about photography.”

That made Eiji laugh. “It’s perfect. Thank you, Ash. Which one do you want me to open next?”

“Up to you.”

Eiji hummed and grabbed the other present. This one was thinner and lighter. Maybe a large book of some sorts. He took off the wrapping paper carefully, noticing how flexible the item inside was. His eyes landed on a calendar, once the wrapping paper was removed. The cover was sunflowers, a picture Eiji has taken himself. He blinked, and flipped to the first page. His heart immediately thudded. The picture displayed for January was a picture of Ash and him, one taken while they were at a picnic. 

He stared at the photo, his eyes stuck wide. He didn’t know what to say. He was just in wonder. “Ash,” he said softly, and flipped to the next page. It was another photo of the two, this one taken in an aquarium. He flipped and flipped. Each picture was a picture of them, except for August, which was just Ash, May, which was just Eiji, and the two of them and Shorter, taken back in Cape Cod, for June. The one with Shorter was taken by Ibe, how Ash got it, he doesn’t know. “Ash,” Eiji repeated, looking up at him. “This is. . . wow. Wow. _Ash_.” His voice shook a bit, and his eyes watered. His mouth was agape as he held the gaze of emerald green eyes. “This is beautiful.”

Ash tittered and held out his arms. “C’mere, birdie.”

Eiji set the calendar down carefully and hugged him. It was a tight and comfortable embrace, full of warmth and silent gratefulness. Eiji was crying into Ash’s shoulder. Not a distressing cry, but full of joy and thankfulness. Ever since Ash had returned to him, Eiji made sure to take as many photos as he could. Sure, he had photos taken before Ash’s injury, but most of those photos reminded him of painful memories. The ones taken in Japan reminded him of new beginnings, and a breathing, living, happy Ash. 

“Ash, I never received a more thoughtful gift in my life,” the raven-haired boy said. “Thank you, really.”

“Of course,” Ash whispered, running his fingers through Eiji’s hair. “I’m glad you like it. You still have two more gifts to open, too. Save the big thanks for later,” he chaffed.

Eiji sniffled and pulled away, smiling. “Right.” He rubbed the edges of his eyes with his finger before picking up the third present. It was the smallest one, and had a soft inside. He already knew it was clothing of some sort. He took off the wrapping paper and was met with Nori-Nori socks staring back at him. 

He guffawed. “Ash!” 

Ash grinned, leaning forward. “Cute, right? Tacky as hell, but cute. You can show them off to your photography friends.”

“Very cute, Ash,” Eiji agreed, taking a look at them again. “I can’t wait to brag to my friends about how my boyfriend bought me cartoon bird socks.”

“Good, let them know how much of an expert gift-picker I am,” Ash concurred. 

Eiji shook his head playfully and set the socks aside. One last present left. He dragged the large present closer to him. It was fairly heavy. He began to unwrap it, trying to think of what it could be. Ash’s gifts so far were amazing and exactly in Eiji’s tastes. The younger boy must’ve been a mind reader. 

He finished taking off the wrapping paper, revealing a back massager. He smiled. “You keep surprising me.”

“That surprised you? Come on, I thought an old man like you would expect that,” Ash teased. “I can’t have your poor bones aching.”

Eiji pouted at him, his face flushing. “How so very thoughtful of you,” he said, sarcasm thick in his voice. 

“Nah, just kidding.” Ash gave him a pleased and chipper smile. “You do most of the things around here, so I thought it would be nice for you, if you wanted to relax.”

“You’re right, I need that,” Eiji said. He got closer to his boyfriend and embraced him in a hug. “Thank you for the gifts. They were all so wonderful. Especially the calendar.”

Ash hugged him in return. “You’re welcome. I’m excited to see what you got me.”

Eiji huffed a tiny laugh. “Mine aren’t as great as what you got me. You pass mine by a landslide.”

“Oh, I doubt so,” Ash protested. “Even if it’s trash, I’ll still love it,” he added on bluntly. “Anything from you, I love.”

Eiji pulled away from the embrace and felt his heart flutter at Ash’s reassuring smile. “Okay. That makes me feel better. I’ll save the best for last, then.”

“Okey-dokey.”

Eiji first handed Ash the biggest one. It was _heavy_ , and he began to wonder how he was able to carry it into the apartment without Ash when he first bought it.

Ash took it, knocking on the box under the wrapping paper. “Hmm. . .” He began to take off the wrapping paper, being super slow and aggravating. 

“Ash, you are doing this on purpose!” Eiji bewailed. “We will be here all day if you do that.”

Ash chuckled and unwrapped it quicker. Once the box was exposed, he read the label. It was a weighted blanket. He blinked at it, brows raised in surprise.

“Um—That’s. . .” Eiji was becoming anxious, unsure if Ash liked it or not. “I know how you still have nightmares and stuff, and don’t wanna wake me up for it, so I got you that. It works when I’m away, too. So if you’re ever feeling stressed or nervous, you can. . . use that. It’s kind of like a hug.”

“Eiji.”

“If you don’t like it, that’s fine,” Eiji continued. “I can probably find another use for it. I just wasn’t sure if you would need something like this, and—”

“Eiji, why are you worrying so much? I love it,” Ash reassured him. “Really, I do. It’ll help, I think so. That’s really nice of you,” his gaze dropped back down to the box. “I didn’t even know you knew I kinda ignored you when that nightmare shit happened. Thank you.”

Eiji felt a wave of relief flush over him. “Oh. Well, you’re welcome. I hope it helps, too.”

Ash set it aside and clapped his hands together. “Okay! Where’s my next one?”

“Someone’s eager,” Eiji remarked, picking up the next present and handing it to him. “Here you go.”

Ash took it into his lap and ripped off the wrapping paper. His eyes sparkled at the sight of books. There were about six of them. “Damn, Eiji, you bought me a whole library.”

Eiji laughed warmly. “Well, you like to read. Most of them are by J.D. Salinger. You like him, right?”

“Yep, my fave,” Ash responded, checking out each of the covers. “Wow, I’ll never be bored at this rate. Thanks, Eiji. You know exactly what I like.” There was sincerity in his voice.

Eiji smiled. “I’m glad you like it.” His whole frame softened. “Now, the last gift was the most expensive one. . . I wish I could’ve gotten you more, but I wanted to make the last gift as perfect as possible.”

Ash tilted his head a bit. “How expensive are you talking?”

Eiji winced. “Like. . . around 350?”

“Honey, what in God’s name did you buy?”

“You’ll see,” Eiji said, and picked up the smallest present. He hesitantly handed it to him, afraid of Ash’s reaction. “I was the most excited for you to see this one, but now that I think about it. . . I don’t want you to remember anything bad.”

Ash took the present carefully, holding Eiji’s gaze as he did. He looked down at the tiny box, a bit of uncertainty clenching his heart. What could be in here that made Eiji so nervous? He made sure to be careful with it, and didn’t take off the wrapping paper in any aggressive and rushed way. He was met with a small, black box. His heart instantly sped up. He removed the lid. 

There lay two silver rings, surrounded by white cushion. 

Ash felt his breath get caught in his throat. He noticed the words engraved in each of the rings. Tears immediately flooded to his eyes. His shaking hands dropped the box, and the hot tears began to roll down his cheeks. He covered his eyes with his hand and broke down into crying.

“Ash!” Eiji gasped, his voice full of worry. “Ash, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He hugged Ash in a way that the crying boy sobbed into his chest. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten them.”

“Eiji. . .” Ash whined, his voice tight and sad. “No, I—I love it. . . It’s—” He tried to resort his cries into sniffles, but it only made him cry more. “Beautiful. I. . . Can you—”

“Would you like it on, Ash?” Eiji asked, running his fingers through his hair.

“Y—Yeah.”

Eiji smiled and slowly let go of the embrace. He picked up the box and took out a ring. It reflected the light, giving it a majestic shine. He picked up Ash’s trembling hand with one hand and held the ring in the other. 

Ash moved his hand from over his eyes and watched, his eyes watery and surrounded by redness. A noise of dejection escaped his lips.

“The words engraved on the ring; my soul is always with you. I want you to remember that forever.” He brought his lips down on the ring and kissed it. “Because my soul _is_ always with you.” He brought the ring to Ash’s ring finger and began to slide it on. “You’re never alone, Ash, no matter what you go through.”

Ash began to cry again, his tears dropping from his eyes and landing on his hand that was being held up by Eiji’s.

Eiji smiled and moved his hands to Ash’s cheeks. He wiped away his tears with his thumbs and pressed a kiss to his nose. “I love you, Ash. More than anything.”

Ash leaned into his touch and closed his eyes, forcing more tears to drop from his eyes. “. . .I love you, too, more than anything. Eiji. . .” He sniffed, letting out a shaky sigh. “You bought two. . . Two rings.” He reached the ring in the box. “Let me.”

Eiji removed his hands from his cheeks and softened, holding his hand up in the air.

Ash put his hand underneath Eiji’s to steady his hand, but his hand was still shaking from crying. He took a deep breath to keep composure. “My soul. . . is always with you, too. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Eiji. I want to stay by your side forever. I really do.” His voice strained slightly from deep sorrow. He lowered his head and kissed the ring gracefully before sliding it on Eiji’s finger. “Eiji. . .” He looked up at his lover’s face.

Eiji met his eyes, his eyes deep and understanding. “Ash.”

Ash bit his lip, contemplating his diction. “Can I. . . Can I kiss you?”

A soft and gentle smile lifted Eiji’s lips. “Of course.”

Ash leaned forward and connected his lips to his, kissing him softly.

Eiji melted into the kiss and returned it. He felt the wetness from Ash’s cheeks on his own.

Ash pulled away and stared into his eyes for a moment. His green orbs reflections on doe ones. He hugged Eiji, wrapping his arms around him. “Eiji. . . Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Eiji gave him a squeeze of reassurance and rubbed his shoulder soothingly. “Anything for you, Ash. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”


End file.
